Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
