omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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