mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
