i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
