I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
