so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
