On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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