ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
