you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize