3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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