I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
