I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
