Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
