I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
