My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize