Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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