you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
