i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
