Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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