on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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