I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize