He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
