I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
