hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
