I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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