Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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