I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
