Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
