i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
