Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
