I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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