Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
