I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
