so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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