I showed him my bush... on skype.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
