Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
that may or may not have been my penis.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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