You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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