Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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