I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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