if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
