Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
