Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
