just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
