I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
