I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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