Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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