Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
