You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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