Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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