Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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