I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize