So drunk its hurt
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
