dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
