plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
