Yo dont text me then not text me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
