So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize