It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im holly from the hills drunk
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
