i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
