It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
