Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
