Do you still have your period?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
