is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
