I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
