I want to have your abortion
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
sex in a hospital.. check
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
